You have ruined my life. My dad would be way nicer to me if you had gone to the super bowl this year.
But you lost and now my dad hates me. We were already having trouble.
You couldn’t beat New York and my dad wrote me a really mean letter.
Sure, he said I could come live with him if I am broke, but on his terms and that it will not be pleasant.
I only like my terms. So yeah, it probably wouldn’t be pleasant.
So, I’ve decided that I’m gonna come live with you - on my terms.
First off, from now on you will spell your name F-A-R-V-E, like it sounds.
Wait, what is your name anyway? French? Fuck that.
From now on you are Brett Freedom.
And no I am not grateful. You owe me.
Weren’t you supposed to retire like 10 years ago?
Thanks a lot,
Lori
PS - Any pain medication you get will now be mine.