I’m just missing New York like a crazy amount right now.

I MISS MY HOME WHERE I FELT SORTA RELATIVELY NORMAL AT LEAST IN COMPARISON TO A FEW PEOPLE I KNEW THERE.

But I’m trying to embrace my new home. So, I went out and socialized last night here in the middle with a bunch of breeders, and I felt so out of place. It seemed like everyone there had kids.

You see, I am uninterested in children. Yes yes they are our precious future and can we please talk about anything else?

Unless it’s like one of those hilarious babies in America’s Most Funniest Home Videos, I don’t care.

Those babies are funny. But yours probably isn’t.

And is it still really so controversial that I want to remain a solo project? Seriously?

Let’s talk about anything else please.

I’m just trying to remain hopeful here and appreciate where I am and what I got. No really. I am. Yes, this is me trying not to give up. I’M DOING MY BEST. BACK OFF.

So, I’m just lying around reading The Artist’s Way, listening to self-help tapes, watching Oprah and praying to the internet.

I’m just trying to find my way, by desperately reaching out to anything.

But still I cannot find my way!

I feel so lost, that any step in any direction seems pointless. My steps are so tiny. Who cares?

It feels like I’m putting on a show just for the abyss.

And no matter how good you are, the abyss is not impressed. At least, it didn’t seem too impressed when I tap danced for it.

The abyss really didn’t care.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not a damn good tap dancer.

So uh, what’s the lesson learned here? Keep dancing even though the abyss doesn’t care?

That seems like a dumb lesson. I’m still not getting it.

I’m gonna lie down and listen to some more self-help tapes now.

How much more can you hide, you might be wondering, you’re already in the damn middle, Lori?

Well, I can cower in the corner and that’s what I’m doing.

I’m working hard on being a shut-in and doing a kickass job, if I don’t say so myself. I was born to be a shut-in!

But I’m thinking of you every minute, my sweet babies. Never doubt my love for you.

NEVER DOUBT IT!

So, I just saw the movie There Will Be Blood.

I like that one guy in it. You know that one in the movie who hates everybody and then goes crazy and kills a couple of guys?

Yeah him. I like his style.

I am trying to revise a “real” story that could maybe get published for “real” and it is torture.

It needs help. But looking at it makes me cry. I AM SO SICK OF IT.

But I know it is a good story, if I can just fix it.

BUT I AM SO SICK OF IT.

And I am so discouraged and frustrated. I feel like giving up. But nothing great comes easy, right?

Ok, I’m gonna go sit and cry about it for awhile. That will help.

I was actually productive yesterday, so my addiction demons have started screaming louder than ever today.

They HATE it when I am productive. Oh it makes them so angry. So they begin aggressively trying to convince me to run back into the comfort of the arms of Schlitz. Usually, they don’t have to try too hard. They know how I love the warm embrace of a cold Schlitz.

But my beloved relationship with Schlitz is also a tragic waste of my time.

And that’s what they’re really about, those demons. Wasting my time. You’d think they’d be more exciting. Like maybe use some lasers that shoot from their eyes. Or like, when I look in the mirror, I see a creepy monster standing behind me, but then when I blink, it’s back to normal.

But no. Real life demons are boring. They just want to waste your time.

Come on. Enjoy the now. With a sixer. That’s what they say. We know what you like. Maybe some pills would be nice. We know you like pills.

SHUT UP YOU DUMB DEMONS! I have a fucking dream I’m working on here you stupid demons!

They don’t care about my dream. Oh no. Those stupid jerks.

Well I have a dream damn it. I want to achieve my dream of my Malibu beach house where I can lie on my private beach property all day drinking out of a coconut. And no jackass demon is gonna get in my way.

Stupid demons.

So, I’m living here with Max in the frozen middle. And he has this really sweet apartment, with my own bathroom, people. And a giant couch. And a deck. And an indoor swimming pool. I can’t really complain about any of that.

But, of course, I can complain about something.

The building we live in is basically a retirement building and mostly senior citizens live here.

So it’s just us and the mothballs. And they aren’t very nice.

They all stare at us with suspicion ALL THE TIME. I guess they don’t trust anybody under 80.

You have to fend them off just to use the damn laundry room. They act like they own it. Even though we have every much right to use it.

But, I’m afraid to use it, for chrissake, because I’m worried I might make eye contact with one of them, and then they will steal the rest of my remaining youth with their creepy senior citizen powers.

And the laundry room is where the real trouble with them began.

One evening Max was doing his laundry with a few of the mothballs.

And then, one of the washers was over-loaded and flooded the room. The apparent self-appointed leader of the mothballs accused Max of doing it, even though he was innocent. Max explained that he didn’t do it. But they wouldn’t believe it and then, as he was leaving, he overheard her call him “that lame boy” (he has a bum leg) and the others talked about how stupid he was.

What rudeness! Max’s feelings were so hurt. I mean, Max is the kindest, most polite person I know. He puts up with me for heaven’s sake! He obviously has the patience of a saint to put up with my bullshit.

But they are driving him to the edge.

And you should see this woman. Her expression is a permanent angry frown. I’ve seen her several times and it would seem it is frozen into this most unpleasant expression. So, I’ve named her Miss Frowny Face. Max has some other choice names for her, but, I’m not comfortable using that language.

The best part of this story? Miss Frowny Face is head of the welcoming committee.

You better start welcoming me, Miss Frowny Face or IT IS ON.

I know you deserve better.

So, I think I’ll just keep all my boring thoughts to myself until I can think of a thought worthy enough to share with you, my sweet babies.