I know you deserve better.

So, I think I’ll just keep all my boring thoughts to myself until I can think of a thought worthy enough to share with you, my sweet babies.

Ok, I upgraded my blog operator and now my spacing is all fucked again.

I am so sick of this shit. I’m thinking of returning to blogspot, where the living is free and easy!

I don’t want to face any of my problems. It seems too hard!

I just want to ignore my problems as hard as I can and hope they’ll go away. I’m pretty good at ignoring them and doing nothing instead.

But doing nothing isn’t easy either. Sure, it sounds easy. But it isn’t easy for me. It’s almost as hard as doing something. But not quite.

Yet I’ve gotten so good at ignoring my problems, so comfortable at being discontented, it is SCARY to think about another way of life.

I hate being responsible! I don’t want to be responsible for anything!

But I have to be responsible for myself because nobody else is gonna do it. And ignoring my problems isn’t making them go away.

So while trying not to be responsible for anything, I end up being totally responsible for my own unhappiness.

It’s so obvious I could just puke.

I swear to “god” I’m gonna do something about it one of these days.

And feeling good means I don’t feel like writing.

But fear not my sweet babies, the next psychotic break is soon to follow and I’ll be back to my relaying my stupid thoughts to you.

I’m thinking tomorrow probably.

Yup. Time to feed the cows. And uh, grow some corn.

And um, what else do we do here in the middle of nowhere?

Oh yeah.

Time to go Applebee’s!

1. My friends in the middle! If you’re in the middle put your hands up!
2. My friends on the east coast! If you’re on the east coast put your hands up!
3. carpeting (so soft)
4. email (so communicative)
5. remote control (so lazy)
6. indoor plumbing (so civilized)
7. hair products (smell so good)
8. soda pop (so delicious)
9. flair pens (write so good)
10. electricity (so light in the dark)

Check out the guest blog I wrote for Janice!

I’m feeling quite a bit of anxiety about my present circumstances.

I need to get up, get busy, get to it, get something.

Instead, I sit around and dread, mostly.  Or I try to blot it out chemically.  I’ve spent half my life doing this.

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

My yearning for everything while doing nothing to get it is a recipe for madness.

And it’s getting old.

Do something.  Anything.

You can do something.  I know I can.

I swear to “god” I’m gonna do it.

I’m not kidding.  Most likely.  Probably.  I hope so.  Maybe.  No for real.  I think.  No really.  I mean it.

So, I’ve been sitting here in the middle of america, trying to give up my vices, and I end up just rotating them instead.

Is it too early for a Schlitz?  Is it ever too early for a Schlitz?  These are the kinds of deep, dark questions I’ve been asking myself.

But, I know that if I ever want a better life, I’ve got to give up at least some of my more harmful vices, like Schlitz, at least for awhile.

Instead of instant gratification, I need to think about my future, and embrace delayed gratification instead.  Building a better way of life takes time!  It does not happen in an instant.

Yet, it’s so hard to let the old Lori go.  I’ve gotten so comfortable with my discontent and blotting out reality instead of facing it.

As comfortable as it might seem sometimes, this is not the life I want.  I want something way better than this.

And I know I that with patience and resolve and by creating a new way of life, I can achieve my dreams.

I KNOW IT.  Now I just have to do it.

NOW PUT DOWN THE SCHLITZ AND GET TO WORK! YES, IT IS WAY TOO EARLY FOR A SCHLITZ.

Ok then, no Schlitz.  How about a Miller Lite?  No?

I went to bed yesterday at 3 pm and am now feeling much better.

But living in the middle is already making me insane.

And, I don’t have my own room here, and Max likes to talk, which I almost always enjoy.  But sometimes, I like to hide.

But there’s nowhere to hide here.  Well, nowhere with cable tv.  I guess I should add that I like to hide somewhere with a giant tv and cable and my bed, like back at my old apartment in Brooklyn, RIP.

I need to have a place to hide or I get mental.

I mean, sometimes, I just can’t be nice.  That is when I hide.  To protect others from my violent moodswings

Maybe I will have to hit the road, like Bruce Banner, so nobody finds out my horrible secret that I am 110% cold-hearted bitch.

So, Max gets home from work yesterday, after I spent the day lamenting and writing and setting up the internet on NO SLEEP and he’s all like “I GOT HOT DOGS” and I’m all like “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT UP” and then I went to bed before I said something more terrible.

And it snowed here again.  THAT IS NOT OK WITH ME!