I couldn’t sleep at all last night and now the sun looks like it is dying here today. I have never seen a sadder sun. EVER.

And I’m just sitting in this apartment in the middle, alone with my thoughts.

And it’s making me crazy.

I HATE BEING ALONE WITH MY STUPID THOUGHTS IN THE SAD SUNLIGHT.

I made the coffee.

And I revised an essay I’m working on for somebody else’s blog (stay tuned for that and even more exciting Lori Mocha news.  Maybe tomorrow she’ll go to Walmart and write about it.  If you’re lucky).

So, that’s enough for today right?  Time to relax with a sixer of Schlitz.

NO LORI NO!  PUT DOWN THE SCHLITZ!  LET’S ALL JUST STAY CALM HERE AND GENTLY PUT THE SCHLITZ WHERE I CAN SEE  IT.

Oh so my attitude now?  Slightly better.  I just gotta get to work.  Like, I sat down to draw last night and I just resisted it so hard!  Why do I do that?

Why do I fight what I know will lead me to better places?  WHY I DO THAT?

Did I tell you I got lost in Bed Stuy on my last day in NYC?  Yeah.  I did.  But I made it home alive.

Did I tell you I went on a huge bender my last night in NYC?  Yeah.  I did.  But I made it to Minneapolis alive.

Now I am spin drying.  That’s what the H addicts call detoxing with intent to use again.  They do it so they can get higher next time.

Aren’t they so clever with their words and abuse?  I love them.

I learned that on Intervention which I also love.  That show teaches me so much, like about new drugs and how to get and abuse them.

But for now, I’m here spin drying in the Midwest because I gotta get clean and FOCUS.

You know what?  I’m gonna make coffee and do something RIGHT NOW!  That substance abuse is ok right?  That’s what america told me so I say ok!

HOW’S ABOUT THAT!

These recent glimpses into my genius mind are really sucking.  I blame the Midwest, and you should too.

Ok, what did I say?  Oh yeah.  Coffee.   And do something.

It’s bad.

I feel confused and disorientated.

And god when the weather here is bad, it is BAD. Suicidal gloom.

But when it’s nice, it’s also SUPER nice.

Is the trade-off worth it? I say ABSOLUTELY NOT.

This place is not ok in the head.

I won’t be here for long. (I’m gonna keep saying that so that I’ll feel ashamed when I’m still here in 6 years).

Max is bringing us back Chipotle for dinner. So I do have that to look forward to.

This is the worst thing I’ve ever written and you read it. How does that make you feel?

Oh yeah. I said it.

I am lonely already.

I went for a swim. So that was nice. But.

I don’t have a bar where everyone knows my name, and where I can talk into a microphone, to run to.

What am I supposed to do now? I love talking into a microphone.  I guess I need a microphone.

It’s not like I don’t have a lot of stuff to do. Drawing a portrait for Julie Gong for example.

Got lots of stuff to do.

Are you out there sweet babies?

Circling the sleeping dog like mad.

I think I saw his eye open a little and I poked him.

Just a little.

It is all gray out and I’ve slept all I can sleep which is a lot and sleep is a depressant did you know that?

And I feel sad and lost and alone and I am listening to sad romantic rock from the seventies and it is not helping.

But I cannot stop listening to sad seventies rock songs. And pretending those love struck singers are singing about me.

I AM LOST! LOST WITHOUT YOU LORI! BABY COME BACK! ANY KINDA FOOL COULD SEE. i NEED YOU BABY COME BACK!

But sorry fellas, I ain’t got time for nothin’ serious. I am very busy PRETENDING.

Pretending is way better than a real boyfriend. I have the BEST imaginary relationships. Sometimes I employ real people in them, and that’s when the trouble starts for me.

I get real people, and by people I mean MEN, involved and then I act crazy, I was from a seventies rock song.

Of course, I only attract crazies too. So you add crazy to crazy you get more crazy. Crazy times crazy equals crazy to the max. And I kinda enjoy that. My predicament is easy to track.

Although I’ve had lots of lovely, uncrazy relationships. But they make me crazy.

Now I just crave the crazy like a drug.

I also crave drugs. Like a lot and it is starting to get in the way.

Like I’m not supposed to have Grain Belt Premium for breakfast right? How about Miller High Life?

I know it’s time to grow up now. If I want what I want and that is a lot, it’s time to actually write something. It’s time to draw. It’s time to get a job I enjoy. It’s time to exploit my numerous talents for fat stacks of cash.

Now it’s just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday repeat. Forever and ever.

Work work work.

But, I’m acting a little nuts.

Like, I should go to bed right now.

However, what I feel like doing is staying up and obsessing.  And cyberstalking.

Super-size the obsession please.

Done.

And my line break issue is still unresolved!  I like this template damn it all to hell.

Come on sweet babies, help this crazy bitch.  You want to be this crazy bitch’s hero.  She might make out with you.  Then cry.  Then run away.  Then send you thousands of text messages.

But then make out with you again maybe.  Fix it and find out.

I am doing my best to blot out reality with anything I can find.

I found some Grain Belt Premium. That’s working pretty good. But not good enough.  I still want more.

I want something stronger. But that comes at a price.

I went on a big bender before I left New York for the the Frozen Middle and it left me feeling like, wow, what a waste of time that was, even though I’d do it all again in a New York minute.

But it’s never enough. I always want more.

But I am enjoying how spacious and clean it is here, you guys. It’s really, really nice.  And not crowded. I like that.

But is it enough?  Of course not.

I will never give up my dream of mainlining H out of a coconut at my luxurious beach house. Never give up your dreams.

Never give up.

It is so exhausting being here in the the middle and sponging off Max. Oh the sponging. So much sponging to do.

And, my lack of blogging is because he lives like a filthy animal and has NO INTERNET SERVICE.

It’s like fucking Little House on the Prairie over here.  Tonight we are making dolls out of corn husks.

Thus, more lack of blogging in store for a little while.

But hang on sweet babies, I’m gonna sell the remainder of my integrity and dead dreams and buy us that internet.

Then we’ll be back on my almost sorta kinda everyday schedule maybe probably.

I know my absence is hard for you all. But hang in there kids, we’ll make it through this. Together.

I love you all. Let our love carry us through this difficult time. Or something.