I have to ship my computer to the frozen nightmare that is the Midwest today.

So, I’m not gonna have regular computer access for awhile.

Which means I won’t be able to blog for awhile.

Which means you will all suffer and I am sorry.

Please forgive me and I’ll see you around when I can.

Hey sweet babies, if you figure out how I can add a line break between paragraphs, but no line break between the lines I want no line break between, I will give you a free portrait drawn by your truly.

The portrait can be of yourself, or of any person you choose.

Now make this thing work the way I want, pretty please with sugar on top!

Yours truly,

Lori

Ok see, like, I want spaces between each paragraph, and in this case my paragraphs are just one sentence long. But that is ok with me. But I want space between them.

But! I don’t want a line break between Yours Truly, and Lori. That’s where wordpress is fucking me over and forcing me to beg to the internet for answers.

I do like to beg to the internet, however.

Ok, I cannot get wordpress to space between lines correctly and it is driving me INSANER.

Can anybody help me?

Hey guys!

Tomorrow nite at 6pm I’m gonna be on the The Moe and Mary show again. On Manhattan cable access (mnn.org) on channel 56. You can also watch it online, I think.

THEN, we are gonna race over to see Moe (featured with me in the clip below) tomorrow nite in the show RIMBOMBO at the People’s Improv Theater (The PIT)!

You should all come with me!

Here’s the info:
RIMBOMBO
7pm
The PIT
154 West 29th Street @ 7th Street
Then we are gonna drink! So many fun things in one night, I might die. Come see me before I die of fun!

Me on the Moe and Mary Show! The most fun I’ve ever had!

I have a new site. It’s not letting me space correctly!!! I like extra spacing!

I still don’t know how to work it just yet. And now I have to ask Tom, who is the angel who helped me make this exciting new site, how to add spacing. Dammit. I like independence. I mean I like Tom a lot too. He’s super great. But I wanna be able to do everything myself. I mean, what if I piss Tom off? Then I’ll be lost. And I’m always making people mad.

But a couple of guys told me this place is better than my last place. I dunno. It’s more confusing, I know that.

But I get my own domain name. Which is real important right? Is it? I dunno. I mean I want to do this for a living.

So, that’s why I changed. This smart computer dude (Tom) (and others) said I should change to this system, I dunno.

I used to use blogger, now I use wordpress. And I’m lost. Wordpress is way harder!

But apparently better.

I’m sorry that this post is maybe the worst of mine ever. Wordpress? Blogger? Yawn. I can’t even believe you even read this far. That’s how I know you love me. Because you’ll read about me using blogger and going to the post office.

So for those that did inconceivably (I have to go look this fucking spelling up) (I spelled it right, but I just so often doubt myself) read this far, how can I get more traffic? Not just quality traffic like you, my sweet babies, but more other traffic? Not better traffic, as you are the best, some internet place told me, just more traffic.

How I do this?

And what was up with my two parenthetical phrases up there? Am I allowed to do that? I have the feeling I did something wrong.

Actually though, that’s a feeling I have all the time.

So.

What do you guys think of the new place?

I’m scared.

Somebody wants to advertise on my blog, for like, money.

Is this the beginning of the Lormo Inc. empire?

I hope so.

The ad is for Baby Seal Clubbers of America.* Their tagline is “baby seals are small and slow and stupid and deserve to be clubbed to death.”** I think that’s catchy.***

As long as they pay, I’m in.****

*This is not true.
**Nor is this.
***This is true.
****This is also true. I have no integrity. I sold it.

I’m working hard at detaching myself from the greatest city ever and it is not easy.

And, last night I heard two animals fighting to the death right outside my window. I heard growling and whimpering and more growling followed by more whimpering and growling. Somebody was getting killed.

I peered out my window but couldn’t see more than a small dark mass of what? Tails? Fur?

I yelled “hey, knock it off!” but they ignored me.

So, I ran out to the living room where my roommate Devon (greatest roommate ever) was watching tv in a daze.

“Do you hear that?!” I exclaimed. He calmly strode into his room and fetched a flashlight. Then went to open our huge kitchen window, just feet above the death match.

“DON’T OPEN IT! WHAT IF THEY JUMP UP IN HERE!” I said. He was calm and not scared and opened it wide. Then I shone the flashlight around outside, and we saw a lone raccoon, who like Devon, was very calm as he strode off, looking at us like, excuse me, I was busy, guess I’ll have to fight to the death later, whatever.

I don’t know what the other animal was. Was it a rat? Another raccoon? I don’t know. Devon said it sounded like a rat, but how does he know what a rat in a death match sounds like? I don’t want to know.

Whatever was happening, I was disturbed. Fighting to the death is not a pretty sound.

And then I thought, was this a sign? Was this fight to the death, a metaphor for my life? And if so, which symbolizes me? The animal that was winning or losing?

Or does one animal symbolize Brooklyn and another Minneapolis? WHICH IS WHICH?! HELP ME WITH THIS METAPHOR!

But the metaphor doesn’t really make sense because I don’t feel like fighting or dying; I just feel numb.

I’m just numb. I want to say all kinds of funny things to you, my sweet babies, about moving, about Minneapolis, about Brooklyn, but I just feel numb.

Not sad, not excited, just numb.

Being numb does not make for good blogging.

Preparing to move is stressing me out to the max!

I am trying to get rid of everything I own and it is not easy! And I don’t even own anything!

And I just went to the post office and almost machine gunned everyone down in the place.

Luckily, I did not have a machine gun or I would have.

Why is the post office such a fucking nightmare? I would rather blow a horse than wait in line there ever again.

I hope that nobody offers me a machine gun or a horse now, because I will be in big trouble.